Bruise Cruise Schedule
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Soul Clap & Dance Off

Photo by Rebecca Smeyne

For more than three years New York Night Train’s Soul Clap and Dance-Off has reigned as North America’s most popular soul party, playing to ever more people in ever more places. The concept is simple: All night dancing to wild 7-inch records and a $100 dance contest judged by a panel of local celebrities. The dance party/spectacle not only sells beyond capacity in New York City, but has spread the excitement internationally, from Tel Aviv to Mexico City, in addition to all over the United States. Keeping the heavies happy with rare, choice cuts, the gigantic 45 rpm rumble of the Soul Clap is breathing new life into both superior under-appreciated recordings and rock & dance club culture.

Puppets and Pancakes Breakfast

Video by Miss Pussycat

This year, Bruise Cruise 2 will feature the world premiere of a brand-new puppet movie by Miss Pussycat! There will be free jewelry at the showing.

Miss Pussycat’s career in puppetry began in her junior high school’s Christian Puppet Youth Ministry. These days, her live puppet shows can be seen in rock clubs all over the world with Quintron, and on Carnival Cruise ships. Her puppet movies include North Pole Nutrias, Electric Swamp, and Trixie and the Treetrunks. In 2010 her mini magic landscapes and puppets were installed in the New Orleans Museum of Art as the exhibit Parallel Universe.

Quintron and Miss Pussycat will take time off from their busy touring schedule this Fall and Winter to venture into the unknown and make a new puppet movie. You can expect technicolor landscapes with a lot of texture and things that talk. It’s the perfect remedy for sea sickness.

The Bruiser Dating Game

The Bruiser Dating Game

It’s no coincidence that the festival falls on the weekend of Valentine’s Day! The festival attracts participants from all over the world who share a common love for rock music and adventure. In our inaugural year, several couples met, and a few even got engaged on board or post-sailing. For our second year, Bruise Cruise will be taking the reigns as love boat and embracing the role as matchmaker with our very own dating game. Modeled after Chuck Barris’ 60s classic television show The Dating Game, we are excited to be pairing up singles on our very own Bruiser Dating Gameshow. Featuring fabulous prizes from OhMiBod Vibrators, Dick Towel, Sir Richard’s Condoms and more…

Bounce Dance Class

Vockah Redu & The Cru Live

Bounce music is a genre of rap specific to New Orleans that has invigorated crowds throughout the South. Vockah Redu & Cru will be rocking the boat and animating the stage with their dynamic revival of dance, music, and art. More than your typical hip-hop act, this theatrical performance sets the stage for a sweaty hands-down booty-up good time, transforming any party, bar, dance floor or — in this case — ship deck. In addition to their performance on board the cruise, Vockah & cru will be teaching a hip hop dance class called REDUISE AHCISE where they will show you how to rock da boat with your own personal booty dance.

Jello Biafra Speaks

Jello Biafra

Bruise Cruise is ecstatic to bring aboard a man who truly needs no introduction — Jello Biafra!

The head prankster of 21st Century Renaissance Men, on a short list Biafra has worn the hat of musician (Dead Kennedys frontman); public speaker (first person tried for obscenities on a recorded album); record label jefe (co-founder of Alternative Tentacles); politician (Green Party candidate for Mayor of San Francisco and ran for a Presidential Nomination); and most recently released an album with his latest musical outlet, Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine entitled Enhanced Methods of Questioning.

But long before all this, since his teens Biafra has been a rabid vinyl junkie. Freshly inspired by a guest appearance on Mr. Jonathan Toubin’s fabulous Soul Clap, Jello has reinvigorated his DJ-ing career, so we are thrilled to have him spinning wax for Bruisers from his very own and very personal collection, mixing together soul, garage, surf, punk cuts with other “incredibly strange surprises”. And if dancing the night away to Biafra’s twisted personal collection is not treat enough for you, he is having a surprise lecture in the Conference Room. It might be a rant. It might be Q&A? It might be all or none of the above! But it will definitely be a moment to behold!


Neil Hamburger

America’s Funnyman Neil Hamburger is the hardest working comedian in existence, performing up to 399 shows a year internationally to critical acclaim and audience bewilderment. He has toured as the hand-picked opener for Tenacious D, Tim & Eric, and Faith No More, appeared on TV shows ranging from Fox News’ Red Eye to Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! and Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and worked extensively with Tom Green on his internet talk show. Mr. Hamburger will be performing not one, but two times on this ship.

Bruise Cruise Documentary

Filmmakers will be on board, documenting the 72 hours of madness, music, and debauchery. Put on your complimentary Bruise Cruise shades and play it cool or rock out for the camera and show the world how much fun you’re having. You will be able to reserve a copy of the film during the festival.

“Cruising for a Bruising” Open Bar Cocktail Hour

The Dream Bar on the Carnival Imagination

Bruise Cruise will feature open bar cocktail hours and limitless hors d’oeuvres, allowing you to mingle with your fellow “Bruisers” and coordinate plans for a high seas adventure.

Carnival WaterWorksSM

Black Lips Water Slide Race

Festive, fun and just downright fantastic! WaterWorksSM includes a Twister Water Slide™ and Spray Park that’s perfect for splishin’, splashin’ and slidin’ around in your skivvies, or business suit.

Serenity Adult-Only Retreat!

Photo by Jackie Roman

Don your Carnival Cruise bathrobe, grab your cocktail-in-a-coconut, and chill out in this kid-free oasis that’s the hub of relaxation. Take in the ocean view, hop in the hot tub, or kick back and get that tan on.

Resort Style Pool

Photo by Ian Witlen

Think palm trees, Boogie Nights, a cool breeze, and relaxing with your favorite drink in hand. Now make that a reality and head on over to the resort-style pool. Swim or just chill out with new Bruiser friends and watch your favorite band do a cannon ball.

Putteriffic Mini Golf!

Mini-Golf on the High Seas!

Foooooore! Have a swinging good time on the Sun deck’s nine-hole mini-golf course. The greens are meticulously maintained and the view is great. Just remember your follow through, and no bogeys allowed. Think Caddyshack meets Weekend At Bernie’s. You might even meet Spicoli
on the green.

Spa Carnival®

Photo by Rebecca Smeyne

Relax, it’s all in the technique. Feel the stress sail away as you pamper yourself with soothing treatments and massages for your body and soul at Spa Carnival®. Ahhhhh…you’re on vacation, take advantage of the lavish treatments available.

24/7 Ice Cream Machine & Pizza Bar

Photo by Jackie Roman

Oooooh yeah! Decadence! All-you-can-eat, around-the-clock creamy goodness and cheesy goodness.

Delectable Dining

Photo by Jackie Roman

Wine and dine during your rocktastic vacation with our complimentary meals. You’ll love the ambiance, service, and all around awesomeness of our dining experience while waiters shimmy and vogue to your favorite pop hits.

Casino Time

Photo by Rebecca Smeyne

Play like a pro: Try your hand at poker, blackjack, roulette, craps, and more. This is just a sampling of the games at the Carnival Imagination El Dorado Casino. Win a wad of cash, and make it rain in the Bahamas.

Other Wonders

Photo by Jackie Roman

Hairy chest contest, karaoke, late night dance parties, piano bar, bingo, ping pong, all-you-can-eat sushi counter, conga lines, & more surprises.

Swankified Suites!

Photo by Monica McGivern

Curious about your cabin? What guest wouldn’t want to come home to a room with a flamingo crafted out of bath towels? Sink your feet into the plush carpet and enjoy the swanky décor. Oh, and did we mention the new flat panel TVs? They shine like a crystal. Plus, take advantage of the free room service available 24/7!

Ships’ Registry: The Bahamas and Panama.